The Woman Heals


She thinks she just read a book that offended her emotions. It triggered her into a mood of somber silence. It was titled Sakadelli. 

She is sad now.
She is tearing a bit too.
She was sitting, waiting for the sadness to pass away so She could be normal again. 

‘Do you think maybe I smile too much or laugh too hard so often because I am trying to hide my pain ... trying to wish it away instead of embracing it?’ she was cross-examining herself again.

So, something just happened. 
When she’d have an emotional breakdown before, she’d try to ignore it killing herself inside for allowing it fester - labeling herself as weak and unable.

But now something different happened. She didn’t rush or even try to wipe the tears. She allowed it flow and she owned it. She became proud of her pain. She talked to herself saying it was okay, that she was normal and that what happened to her was not in any way her fault. That she was sane and right to cry in public. 

She stopped crying then; just by allowing herself to go through the phases in what ever way her soul felt to do best. 
And she didn’t guilt-trip her heart about how she felt when she cried. 

In that moment, she wished she could dance calisthenics. Release her hands, her hips, her long smooth legs. But she was stuck in a car, heading home.

It was raining heavily.
Lagos was wet, like a female lover in heat.
As her thoughts lingered on the dance, a smile formed in the corner of her brown lips.

‘I guess this healing is real’ she exhaled.

And if God was a woman, she would say to her:

“I am glad you are going through this healing process. Healing has no straight path, no rules one must follow. I think it's more like the wind, it blows where and how it wants and we are just meant to embrace it and be thankful for it. 

Girl, you are healing and it's fantastic. 

Your healing is going to have different faces, different voices and embrace it Sister.

Cry loudly, cry silently. Cry as your spirit leads. 

Laugh loudly, laugh with tears streaming down your face. 

Laugh when you think of your pain, laugh for no reason at all. 

It's all part of your journey.

Babe, I am so happy for you. Keep doing the work and keep healing.”

She was smiling when she turned her head to continue listening to the soft whispers of Ed Sheeran’s Divide.


Tracy Nnanwubar is a Creative Writer and Author of “Red Pepper and English Tea” (Award Winner for Best New Fiction). She inspires change through Writing and Entrepreneurship. She was a Resident Writer at the 2012 London Olympics and a Writing Fellow of the Farafina Trust Creative Writing Program, sponsored by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. She is a World Bank Scholar and McKinsey Next Generation Women Leaders Award Finalist. She tweets and does all things books on Twitter @tracynnanwubar 

Cover image: A Kehinde Badiru original illustration.


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